Don't Try This at Home
The road to Hell is paved with good inventions.
All the same, doesn't this product qualify as the worst idea for a luxury gift you've ever seen?
I mean, at what point in the courtship/engagement/marriage would something like this be appropriate?
If I have to answer that question, it's a wonder you are still involved/engaged/married.
You're not? Well, then. QED.
Many will argue that if luxury is what you want, you're better off at Jo Malone or Blue Mercury than at The Vermont Country Store.
I beg to differ. For where true--true--luxury is warranted, The Vermont Country Store is all about it. It's just that they specialize in the luxuries you don't want anyone to see you in.
Feast your senses:
Sheepskin Velcro Slippers
Lanz of Salzburg
Easy-Zip Leisure Bra --ooh la la
Jobst Mid-Calf Support Socks--For Men!
And lifestyle enhancers for those special evenings:
Classic Lightweight TV Trays
Gilhoolie
Newspaper Log Roller (we have enough of these in our Nation's Capital, thanks)
And if you want fantasy--they've got fantasy galore.
Want to pretend to all your co-workers that you went skiing this holiday season? Order up a bunch of Maple Leaf candies and then snap some photos of you sitting by a hearty fire attired in your outdoors gear from The Sportsman's Guide. Tack up the photos in the soul-destroying company break room and put out the candies on that depressing laminated table where people eat their Chinese take-out and voila!
Or is it a Proustian experience you crave? Visit Vermont Country's outstandingly nostalgic Apothecary page, where you can find gorgeously decadent outdated fragrances like Arpege and My Sin and Evening in Paris, no lie.
(I am fluent in several body languages, but aspire to speak scent fluidly.)
And how about a little something for yourself after all that shopping? Come on, admit it, you've been wondering where you can safely and discreetly purchase these. You can request a plain brown wrapper, and the Orton family will graciously oblige.
posted by lisa schamess @ 06:12
2 Comments:
I'll admit it. I've bought the Tired Old Ass Soak. But not for my husband, at least. It was a gag gift at a retirement party. (Good for that, I might add - anyone retiring is almost always ready to spend some time soaking their tired old ass. And they rub it in your face that they will be doing it for hours on end while you're sitting your tired old ass in front of the computer for The Man!)
OK, I too have purchased this product, but it was on a shelf, not accompanied by near-Peterman commentary. I purchased it for a friend's Dad, a man who self-identifies as "Just an Old Redneck", a man quite comfortable with his tired old assness. So it seemed appropriate.
The text does make the claim that it "makes a great gift".
Am I to take from your post that you did, in fact, purchase this for your MAN?
With intentions of ever again seeing him naked?
Or are you merely speculating?
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